Before Meemawhood – Motherhood

When I was a kid, the only thing I ever really thought about for my future was being a sportscaster.  It felt like a perfect fit considering all the sports I watched on TV and listened to on the radio.  I never thought much about my adult life beyond that.

I dated a couple of guys in high school but I wasn’t really all that interested, simply because it seemed like a lot of drama.  I liked hanging out with my friends more than playing the whole cat-and-mouse game that boys and girls play.  However, when I met “the one,” I knew it.  I actually probably saw him before high school, when our grade schools competed against each other in basketball or track, and I probably also saw him when he played Khoury League baseball and I was covering Little League and Khoury League for the local newspaper.

I met him freshman year of high school in Mr. Kone’s Physical Science class.  Mr. Kone, an incredibly nice and decent human, taught this class as if it was college-level Physical Science 101. Or, maybe I was just not very smart.  Either way, it went SO far over my head, I spent most of the class making notes about stories I wanted to write or listing the entire rosters of the St. Louis baseball Cardinals, St. Louis football Cardinals, and St. Louis Blues. 

I did, however, pay GREAT attention before class began.  I sat at a lab table near the back of the room and arrived as quickly as I could so when Rob Hayes walked into class from the back entrance, I had a perfect view of his rear end, always clad in slightly faded jeans.  Damn.  He was on the football and wrestling teams and he was so smoking hot. 

The dark cloud/silver lining thing continued sophomore year when he (yay!) was in my Geometry class (boo!). While most of the instruction in that class sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher, once again he was strategically seated in front of me, so I just focused on the view.

By junior year, our paths crossed more often, and I became braver about flirting with him.  I was always pretty shy, and while I had a lot of friends that were guys, I just turned plain stupid when I was around a guy I liked.  It probably helped that Rob and I were friends first, mostly because I never thought in a million years he’d ever go out with me, but here we are.

We graduated together in 1982, and when his parents weren’t keen on paying for college, he decided to join the US Navy on delayed entry.  We talked about getting married a lot but I never got a formal proposal, mostly because we had dated for three years at that point and we were basically together for good.  I was scared to leave home when he joined, but I was more scared of not being with him, so in June of 1984 we married, and a month later he left for boot camp in Orlando.  In October I joined him and we began a 20-year adventure in the military. 

We spent the first five years being a couple.  I guess we “sowed our wild oats,” so to speak.  We also always talked about having kids, and in 1989, we welcomed our son, Cody.  He was such a good baby, and even though his dad left when he was a month old for Japan, I managed to keep him alive until Rob returned in December.  He traveled again until June of 1990 and we moved to New London, CT, where Rob attended sub school.  We then made our way to beautiful San Diego for four years, and as Rob was in and out of town riding subs, we managed to have baby number two.  Our daughter Randa (pronounced with a short “a,” like panda) was born in February 1994.

Before Randa turned 1, we moved to Fort Meade, MD, where Rob traveled about 280 days out of the year.  I decided to do home daycare so I could be home with my first grader and baby, which while a great self-employment opportunity, stressed me out to no end.  We lived in base housing, so running a daycare had a ton of rules, but it was a great experience for our kids.  They got to be with other kids but had me around for everything. 

And while I know that was good, I wasn’t great at managing my stress.  I’m sure I was always anxious and on edge.  I know I yelled and swore way too much in front of them.  I don’t think I ever swore at them, but it probably felt like I did.  I kept them busy, since I always felt it was important to enjoy all the places we lived in the military.  We did a lot of exploring and experiencing.

When we moved to Dahlgren, VA, in 1998, Rob’s career still had six years to go, but he had done so much sea time that he was able to do two shore tours in a row.  When his enlistment was up after 20 years, we would have had to move to a new duty station, and Cody was poised to start high school soon after.  We’d always agreed we wouldn’t uproot one of our kids at that age because it’s just too disruptive.  So, Rob retired and took a government job at the same command he’d served for six years, and we purchased a home in the county where we’d lived while on base. 

The best part for us was that our kids basically grew up in this county.  They played organized sports and were in scouts and eventually attended public schools, and it is home for them.  Even though their dad traveled a lot, they don’t remember much of it.  They only know when he was home with them, and we were those parents that were involved.  Dad coached, I was a scout leader, we volunteered and took them with us, and became a part of this community.

Now they are adults, married with families, and living very successfully with no help from us other than some advice now and then.  Both are college graduates, paid for by us, and they are very successful in their careers, their relationships, and their parenting. 

I’m not sure how much credit we can take for that, but they give us a passing grade. Maybe some of the memories of my outbursts are still repressed, but they assure me it wasn’t as bad as I remember. Either way, we are so incredibly proud of them.  They have both worked hard, at their education and in their jobs, and they are caring, empathetic, loving adults who make their kids their priority.  We couldn’t ask for more.

I’m so happy to kick of my podcast with a conversation with my kids.  They’re two of my favorite adults and it’s only fair that you get to know them so you understand why I’m such a Happy Meemaw.